February 17, 2005

The crossroads of pain

Category: Personal — Biella @ 11:22 pm

Taken from an energetic standpoint alone, pain is a very potent and powerful entity. It is a strange beast that I am sure animates people to produce works of sublime beauty, a foil by which to save oneself from the drowning always at the crossroads of pain. And of course a good many people at some point decide that the pain is unbearable, ending their life by the force of their own hands.

At least once a week, my mother tells me she would rather die than lead the life she does. And much of the time, I am not sure what to respond and my reaction ranges from erecting more protective layers, to silently agreeing that maybe such suffering is not worth it, to trying to skillfully change the subject to keep her mind off her pain and end the torture of hearing such talk from someone who you love. It is frankly some of the most painful words I have heard in my life and yet, I know as my mother’s health declines, there is more in store. The tip of the iceberg is starting to reveal its larger mass.

Years ago in college, I immersed my self in the study of religion concentrating on Buddhism. Since then I only occasionally have stepped foot in a church or temple or have given my sight and mind to Buddhist scripture. While in SF, there was a little more connection through the mere fact of osmosis. It seems like everyone and his cousin as a spare yoga mat in their car and is involved in at least one of the

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