February 11, 2005

Better Livin’ through Evil

Category: Humor — Biella @ 9:24 am

System administrators are really thier own breed of people.
Firely independent, they exude a cowboy sensibility, a lone ranger, who fixes the server crash with nothing short of arrogant bravado.

So apparently, some of the HOTTEST sys admins (ie, hot as in can administer a box with no problem) have a little help from the red man below:

It has long been a widely-acknowledged fact among the System Administrator community that fixes to broken servers involve what is commonly known as “Voodoo” — That is, illlogical sequences of actions which, despite their apparent stochiastic reasoning, nevertheless seem to fix the problem at hand.

We here at Satanic SysAdmins suggest a more “scientific”, quantifiable approach. We maintain that there are definite, easily laid-out steps which can resolve various daily problems with a minimum of fuss. All it takes is absolute compliance to these simple instructions and unswerving devotion to our Lord and Master, Lucifer Light-Bringer.

You can muck around with jumper and software settings for hours, but in our experience, the most simple and direct solution involves the ritual sacrifice of a domesticated fowl, i.e. the common chicken or duck. Under a full moon, slay the chicken with a Tongan war club. Setting parapherneilia like candles, bells, and naked nubile dancers is recommended but not obligatory. Drip the blood of the newly-slain beast onto a Tibetan prayer scarf, and wrap said scarf around…

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